Spoiler alert for a movie you shouldn't see.

For Mandoo's birthday I woke her up and gave her some breakfast. And I gave her a book. And a Blu-ray of Princess Bride. And a bunch of balloons and some flowers. I did this because she asked me to not get her anything.

For my birthday I think she's getting me a dvd of Mama, if she's been reading my hints correctly.

Mama is a movie we went to see yesterday. At no point do they use the Oingo Boingo song Mama, which turns out to be a fatal mistake. It is about a lady that's in a mental institute. she has a baby, but the nuns take it away from her, cause she's crazy. She takes umbrage at that, so to prove that she's fully mentally capable of raising a child, she stabs the nun and steals the kid. People chase her, so she jumps off a cliff with the baby. The baby gets stuck on a branch sticking of the cliffside.

The lady falls into water and dies. Her ghost is wondering where her baby is. Why doesn't she retrace her steps and look on the cliff? Because she's retarded. She looks around in the woods and then decides to live in a cabin.

Then some kids gets abandoned in the cabin. The ghost-retard raises them by feeding them cherries and squirrels. Despite the mom's enormous praying mantis limbs and elongated fingers, the kids are fine being raised by a ghost lady. Sometimes the lady is visible, and sometimes she isn't. Sometimes she moves really fast, and sometimes she crawls slowly. The best is when she travels by shrinking down and turning into a long grey wig. Then the wig shuffles around.

Since she's from the 1800s, I don't think she can drive a car, but at one point she inhabits the body of someone who does, so she learned pretty fast. She needed the car to drive the kids back to the cabin, you see.

The adopted dad is a little bit scared to raise two wild kids, but it's ok, because he falls into a coma, and isn't seen again until the end. He has a dream that his dead brother wants him to go to a bridge. So he wakes up from his coma and does, but he doesn't find anything. He does almost get hit by a car, though. The car is being driven by his girlfriend. Why did he have to go to a bridge? The director decided you can fill in your own answer there.

There's a doctor that has been examining the girls. He says he doesnt believe in ghosts, but then he decides he does and he goes to talk to the ghost. He also wants to give the ghost her baby back that he found on a shelf. He doesn't bring the baby, though. The ghost kills him for forgetting to bring the baby.

You think ghosts are not real. You also think that ghosts in movies are like wind and can't be touched unless they concentrate really hard, they can move a penny like Patrick Swayze. But this movie posits that ghosts ARE real, and they can touch anything, but they also can fit into tiny holes in the wall and wigs and strangle you and stick their hands on your head and make you go to sleep and suck your blood and make electrical power stop working. So basically, it's not a ghost story, it's a monster story. Even though they explain that this thing is a ghost several times.

So they give the dead baby back and the ghost-monster is really happy and goes to jump off the cliff with it, because apparently this is "righting a wrong" that makes ghosts stop existing. But then the stupider kid goes "mama" and the ghost remembers that it wants those kids too, and there's a fight. A really stupid fight. The parents decide that the ghost can keep the stupider kid, and she falls off the cliff with it. If you think that's probably not what a good mom would do, you may be right. They hit the branch, and the kid turns into a moth for some reason.

I'm serious. A human kid turns into a moth, because it falls off a cliff with a ghost.

Birthday Party

Yesterday we had a birthday party at my house for Mandi.  She didn't show up even though I bought her favorite cracker to share.  So I ate them all myself.  They are pretty good.  When I finished eating them, I started to look more closely at the box...

 Is that why they taste so good?