Numerology facts about Mandoon Notbaldsmith

With a name like Mandoon Notbaldsmith, I'm starting to wonder if there is a scientific endeavor as factually based as numerology but based on the sound of words that I can pursue. I bet there are some secrets to be had there!
Dear Mandoon,
Your reading is unequivocal. The information you provided was as truthful as the summit and thus your reading is as accessible.

• Never bet on a hamster race. There is a hamster conspiracy against you. Something about a fried sandwich you once made for someone? Anyway, hamsters are unforgiving, so don't expect they'll forget any time soon (ever).
• Make sure you spend several minutes each day examining the shape of the clouds. You will derive daily inspiration and sometimes messages literally (figuratively) spelled out for you. 
• Earthenware. My numerology reading told me to include that to you. Presumably it has significance that only you can derive. The truth will set you free.
• Every time you click on one of those gear icons to change your settings a fruit bat dies. So restrain yourself (or go crazy, depending on how you feel about killing fruit bats).

This has been an installment of the web site called Joel will numerology the crap out of you.com (and it won't even feel like you paid for it.com)

Truth behind the numbers

We all know and love math. Math is numbers and numbers are truth. That is why I have started a new website called "Numbers are for girls. And boys. Numerology by Joel." You can access this new web site by leaving a comment on this blog post and I will provide you with a customized reading that will guide you to future [PLACEHOLDER_TEXT]. Simply enter personal details in your comment that dictate who you are like your birth date, your full name, your shoe size - really, anything that can or cannot be reduced to a number, JUST LIKE YOU! As an example, I have prepared a reading for Mr. Paul Browning. I used various personal infos about Paul like his middle name (Stenworth) and his last breathalyzer test results (9) to compile these results. Let's take a look!

Paul,

• You've heard of people shivering when someone walks across their grave. For you, it's whenever someone walks across your next birthday cake.
• You have a psychosomatic overbite.
• Never tell anyone your birth-town because there are rogue and dark agents seeking to eliminate all traces of you. And your penchant for formic acid. Also, you have an undiscovered penchant for formic acid. 

I anticipate Paul will be able to use this reading to exceeding advantage in the domains of business and associations, including, as applicable, to the purchase and/or use of stocks and bonds among other unspecified and as yet unpredictable nuance. So, Paul, enjoy your liberation from the constraint of ignorance. And remember, numerology is for boys. And girls. Numerology by Joel. dot com.