Ognio Ogniob

Thanks, Paul!

Commentario

Hint

Shirt I got Joel

Airing of Greivance

Are you stressed out, and need to hear of another's woes to feel better? Listen up. After I'd been here at this job for a week, 2 girls got hired as sales support agents that sit on the other side of my cubicle wall. One is normal, and I don't want to kill her. The other (the one closest to me, and thus in my ear all day long) is named Nicole. She has the black-dyed hair of a goth chick, but is ubber mormon. I mean, her first day on the job, she hung up pictures of temples and Jesus all over her cubicle. She also has one of those voices that grate. High, fake, and always upturned at the end of each sentence like a question. Here is the dialogue that I get to hear about 5 times per minute. Keep in mind, this script is WITHOUT VARIANCE, because this girl is retarded and has zero ad-lib skills.

"Hi is ________ there? Hi, this is Nicole from FULL COMPANY NAME. How ARE you? Good! Well, I'm just calling to give you a quick courtesy call and see how business is doing and how things are going...who is your Sales Rep? Are they staying in contact with you? Well, that's super! Are there any products or features that you'd like to see from us in the future? Great! Well, I really appreciate you taking my call and taking the time to talk to me and if you have any questions, just call me and ask for Andrea Scherrmann...you have to use my last name because there's 2 Andreas! (Giggle-snort) . Ok then, bye bye now!"

She knows absolutely nothing about anything. So if anyone has a question, she says "I'm new here, so I don't really know, but I'll have my manager email you." The main thing that makes me want to eat a bullet is the sentence "I'm just calling to give you a quick courtesy call..." I'm calling to give you a call. Oh. So I can't wait for the headphones I've ordered to get here. In the meantime, I try to remember to have the earbuds in, so I don't burst out in tears. The end. You may now use the comments to air your own grievances.

This post is not intended for you

This blog post is intended only for the person or entity to which it is addressed and may contain CONFIDENTIAL or PRIVILEGED material. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited (by me and the unquestionably legal binding which generally-stated prohibitions imply. So, by virtue of the fact that you are reading this, you've already broken our unwritten and unagreed upon agreement.  Because this post is not for you!) If you are not the intended recipient (that means you), please contact the sender and destroy all copies of the original message.

I Demand You Tell Me Your Political Views

Hi, Facebook Friend. You went to high school with me or use to work with me. I see you once in a while at a concert or shopping center. You seem tolerable. Stop me if this is weird, but I was wondering if you could inform me what your political views are and why.

Wait! Just...wait. Check this.

I'm not really looking for a "Hope this guy wins" or "Good luck, this guy!" I could get that from  anybody.

I want to open my Facebook page and see long rants about a candidate. Does it fit into your religious views? Let's hear it! I have to know! I hate begging, but I want to hear what you've heard from people and from forwarded emails about the candidate. Don't be afraid to delve deep. Use phrases like "God's chosen" and "schooled in every perversion" and "proud scourge of the Earth".

If you find yourself running out of steam, I want you to think about the future of this country, and how it compares with your understanding of its past. Also some topics to consider:
9/11: I know you've got the goods on this one, let me have it.
The Book of Helaman: Relevant?
Mass shootings: You've probably got a take I haven't heard, which will make me re-think every thing I've learned and decided about the topic.

Remember, this isn't like a journal, it's your job to change everyone's mind. This is all about YOUR views. You're changing the world. Keep up the good work.

Much obliged,
Paul

P.S. If you're my dad, keep me posted in person. I may look disinterested or try to change the subject, but if you could somehow physically situate yourself between me and an exit, I would appreciate it. And let's get that volume up so passersby don't have to strain too hard to hear.

Wishes

If I had 9 wishes right now I would wish for the following:

9: My aunt's cancer to go away

8: Excellent sleep habits for Mandoo and me

7. 3 less wishes

6. The Atlantic and Indian oceans turn to regular unsalted water

5. A regular father

4. $250,000

Dang it! Oh well at least my dad's normal now.

Mandi's gone to Girl's camp with Maddie and Isabel. I'm bored and lonely and sleepless, so I'll catch you (and only you) up with some things that I've seen recently that are noteworthy. I saw an old man this week sitting by the kiddy pool at Seven Peaks. At one point his soda ran out, so he took the lid off and went ahead and refilled it (leaving his ice in there) FROM THE WATER OF THE KIDDIE POOL. He then sat down and CONTINUED DRINKING. If you think that drinking the mixed liquids of hundreds of people is disgusting, then you may possibly be incorrect. I drew a picture out of boredom of Scotty and he used it as his profile pic on Facebook. Then Chet from the old KJQ saw it and contacted me and asked me to do illustrations of the entire radio staff. I told him to get bent.

While Mandoo's been gone, I thought it would be a good time to re-do our ugly, falling-apart bathroom free of critique or interference. It has one wall that was so moisture-ridden, you could poke your finger through it, if that's your thing. But not anymore. I replaced the trouble wall with new moisture/mold-resistant drywall, and repainted the whole thing, then replaced a bunch of stuff, and added a painting and some pictures. It looks like Genevieve from Trading Spaces came in there and didn't say or do anything. It's now painted in beige, mustard yellow/orange, and dark brown, and the mirror is not huge and old anymore. AND I did it all with a budget of $150, which is about $150 more than Mandi will be happy with. But what will win her over is that, because of my awesome color scheme, you can now leave both yellow and brown colors in the toilet without flushing and still be contributing to the overall room palette. I also cleaned the holy living be-nothing out of the shower.

Because of my overuse of my broken elbow, it hurts more than usual, and is not bending as much as it previously was capable. The funny part about this is how much it hurts. A lot.

A client just asked me to send them their logo in HD.

Advice

Birds don't wear sweat pants ever

Paul, I have some advice for you.  Stop wearing sweat pants outside your house.  I don't care if they are the name-brandiest sweat pants ever marketed, they are gross.