Benefits of technology

In my continuing search for energy balancing I have discovered some proveable science in the form of a necklace that people purchase and then put on their bodies in order to improve their game, energize their body amd make an overall difference. Putting this on has been scientifically proven* to be different from not putting it on.

If you don't believe, then I just feel sorry for you because you dont get the benefits, and you probably don't even understand the real science that they've put into this 20-cent plastic necklace.


*Actual data not available.

Neg Nog

Are you a fan of eggnog? If you are, it may be in large part due to your appreciation for the flavor of eggnog. If that is the case, then you will be pleased to know that there is a dairy product that claims to be eggnog that is sold at Wal-mart but which in fact is nothing more than thick, sweet cream. Don't buy Byrne's Dairy eggnog. If you aren't a fan of eggnog flavor, or if you like eggnog simply because it's thick, like pouring honey down your throat, then maybe give this stuff a try. In fact, come to my house* and I'll let you have some. I bought it thinking that because it says eggnog on the package, it was eggnog. I'm so naive.

*Offer valid only to acquaintances.

Paul's occupational backup

I'm always on the look out. It's what I do. Once, Mandi decided to cause a ruckus and I dubbed her the firebrand. Do you see where I'm heading with this? In that vein, I have pinpointed a secondary profession for Paul in the event that his current employment comes to a premature end. If you think this idea is poor.

Future me

Future me hates now me. Tomorrow when I start work, I'm going to think to myself "Why didn't I write myself a note to remind me of my train of thought at the end of the workday yesterday?" Screw you, future me. Man, what is my problem? Can't I just get along?

Also, check out the Christmas tunes on the right.

Ever wonder what Junkanoo was?

Me, too. I'm doing a junkanoo-related logo, so I had to research it a bit. It's a costumed street parade in the Bahamas. Wikipedia says: "The word "Junkanoo" derived from a African slave master and trader named, "John Canoe" in the 17th century. These slaves were not allowed much freedom and would hide in the bushes when they had the chance. While in the bushes, they would dance and make music while covered in costumes that they made from various paints that they made and leaves that they found. This festival represented the slave's freedom from slavery."

If your first inclination is to think "That's not very retarded at all", I'm with you. I was ok with this whole origin story right up until the sentence "While in the bushes, they would dance and make music..."

I question the effectiveness of this type of hiding.

Here's 2 festivals I propose we celebrate:

Blanket Beating Festival
Every Spring the villagers come out with the blankets they've been using all winter to keep warm and trap farts and beat them in the street to freshen them. A parade is formed, and there are scented candles lit in each window. The parade ends with a feast on cold pasta and then have a tug-of-war with somebody's shirt.

Night of Enrico
Named after I guy I once knew, Night of Enrico is when all the women villagers get together and watch reruns of Will & Grace on TBS. They then make a pilgrimage to Appleby's, eat a sensible dinner and go eat the dessert at a different restaurant of their choosing. After the traditional poo-taking, the parade of women ends up at Dress Barn, where they try on clothes until midnight.

Any other festival ideas?

Weary?

I don't get it. Why do so many people say "weary" when they really mean to say "leery"? "I'm weary of making investments while the market is in its current state." Really?

On a side note, I'm finished eating at Dalton's restaurant. $12 for chicken fingers and fries? I do not feel any compunction to return there. Three times is enough.

My Dream

I went to an outdoor theater play at the Scera Shell in California. I was annoyed by how much the venue, nay, the city was overpopulated with frenchmen. I was loudly saying how I hate the french when one came up and challenged me to a duel. "California-style". I was not familiar with this, but he taught me that you take a swatch ripped from the theater curtains, tie it with a tasseled tieback, and then take 10 paces. You then turn around and try to whip your opponent with the curtain end.

To me this sounds like a very inefficient duel. I suspected the rules of this game were invented by the frenchman purely out of spite and insanity.

Nonetheless, I found myself incredibly proficient with the weapon, and was soon whipping the end into the man's face. He, on the other hand, found each of his limp-wristed attempts falling short of striking anywhere near me. Soon, his nose was bleeding. I approached him, gently took his ripped curtain, and struck him down with one blow to the jaw, in order that he learn the American Way of the Duel. My heel pressed down on this neck, and his gasps for breath were hindered by the steady stream of Dr. Pepper* I released on his face.

After releasing him, I found the crowd to be appreciative, though most of them were compatriots of my challenger. They recognized an Alpha Male and were thereafter to accept my barbs and outbursts.

*Actually urine.

Reason

If you're following this blog, it's time I told you, individually, how I feel about french fries. I like them. With lots of ketchup. The best fries are McDonald's. Wendy's fries are significantly less than best. Curly fries are also good, but then I use Arby's sauce instead of ketchup. I do not put my french fries in ice cream. Doing that is wrong.

Literally speaking

These are things I've literally said.

"I realize that when I tell you people to come on time I'm literally preaching to the choir." said while admonishing the people at choir practice.

"Yes, I washed my hands, Mandoo. I literally washed the crap out of them." said whilst exiting a bathroom.

"Today I found out that there are literally more than one way to skin a cat" said after removing a cat's hide with first my exacto-knife and then my teeth.

Many combolations, Idaho

You're #1

One time I dressed like this

and it wasn't halloween.

DId you know that yes? Part II

I've once again gained enlightenment and understanding by way of this truth that I found. In case you disbelieve, she offers an example blueprint over on the left filled with facts and verifiable data. Whatever she's charging, it isn't enough to cover the help that she provides.

As you read though the website, count how many times you say "Indeed". Multiply that by how many times you wish you had yourself balanced, for example, before a job interview, or when you're constipated. Add the number of times she's used Creative Kinesiology to make a difference in someone's life, and you've got yourself your Soul Number.

Do you like camping?

Here's how to tell if you like camping. When you go camping, if you feel like you want to be there, then you do.

I have

Have you seen 21?

Bag of Urine

I made a new blog that will hopefully help the shortage of urinebag-based blogs. You should definitely check it out and make a comment; maybe using your favorite urine-related quote. Here's mine:

"I think it's a good idea to carry around a bag of urine at all times. That way, if someone asked for some help, you can say, "Sorry. Got this bag of urine." -Jack Handey

Knock Knock

Who's there?
Theresa
Theresa who?
Theresa girl on Mad Men who think she's all that and her fiance had his way with her in her boss's office and he's a thoracic surgeon and there's a lady at Vox named Theresa.

This one time

Joel and I went over to Dave and Am's house and made fun of things like their low ceiling, then left. I wonder if they appreciated that?

Dave moved to Draper. The End.

My dad brought over some ice skates

and some other crap that go on feet. They fit none of us. I can either:

a) store them and then try to remember to pull them out when a kid reaches that size, or
b) put them in a pile for DI.

Vote early and earnestly. But please, one vote per household.

"Link"

A new "favorite"

Story

Yesterday I went to Seven Peaks and misplaced Oliver for about 10 minutes. It was scary. The end.

Sasha, youve been a bad dog

LQSD-Defeated By Life

This is a song that I sing to Mandi when she feels that life is getting her down.

Joel and I have been discussing this LQ blog and, due to the lack of response to our posts (which have occasionally surpassed their low-quality expecations), this will be the last posting.*


*unless otherwise persuaded.

LQSD-Please Don't step on My Pile

This was written for all those kids out there that don't watch where they're walking when someone is sweeping.

Greetings

After experiencing frustration with the available selection in electronic greeting cards, Mandi had the idea to start our own e-card site. So Mandi, Paul and I worked hard and with unending altruism for many weeks in a combined effort to rectify this unfortunatism. It is now our pleasure to unveil to you Bad Greeting Cards. Please enjoy the fruits of our labors.

Relax everybody

You will all be pleased to know that the new drive belt for my turntable arrived in the mail yesterday and works as expected. Because of this good fortune you are now all privileged to hear this rare gem:

Nitzer Ebb - Stray Cat Blues (Adventurous)

LQSD: Wormhole

Sleeping Aid

You know what's neat about Oliver coming in to sleep in our bed? The sleep that then ensues. And the crosswise-across-the-bed position he insists on.

Let's not forget the 6-8 kicks to my crotch.

Headache

I don't have a headache today. This is not unusual. Nearly every morning I wake up without a headache. I can't explain it.

Happy LQSD-Stomach Full of Walnuts

Remembrance

One night when I was working as a night auditor for a hotel, a black dude came in around 6:00 am as I was preparing the continental breakfast bar. His eyes were very bloodshot and jittery, and he looked like a zombie, because of his shuffling manner of walking and unkempt attire (dirty wife beater, ripped jeans). He spoke in a slow, groany voice, but instead of asking me for my brains, he wanted a room.

As I scanned his credit card, he asked me what time it was. I said 6:00, and that it was early. He says, "Uuuuhhh, PM?".

Later he came to the desk in just his filthy underpants to ask for more towels and a late checkout. I found out later from housekeeping that the police were searching for him (3 warrants, if I remember right) and they came to get him and he had skipped out.

LQSD-A song about talking crazy about my crazy girl

Help

I need help with a question that was brewing in my brain for a few hours Saturday morning. From 3:00 am until 5:00 am, this question assaulted my mind: "Sprinklers in a campground...dumb?" Repeating at 12 second intervals each time the sprinkler head delivered its highly concentrated blast of water at my tent on its endless rotation through the 360 degrees of pleasure and felicity, the answer became more and more elusive. 120 minutes at 12 second intervals = 600 instances of this question assailing my mind. Help me determine.

Disabled

Once I saw this one girl. She wasn't holding a sandwich.

Did you know?

The Black Hole was the first Disney movie with a PG rating.

Your head asplode

I took my family up the canyon for a short hike on Monday. Here are some things that did not happen:

• Someone (me) grew an extra toe suddenly and unexpectedly.


• The weather started getting rough.


• We got hopelessly lost. We are still up there. Send help.


• Anne took up gambling causing embarrassment to the rest of us.


• We assembled a 3D puzzle of a hang-glider and used it as a shoehorn. It nearly saved the day.

These are just a few of the many, many things that did not occur on Monday in the mountains. As clichéd as it sounds, it really would take too long to list them all.

Hand pain

My hand is sore (see diagram for pain area) from pushing the trowel into the soil while digging weeds this morning. :(

So you see.

I'm on the third floor of an office building in PG. Theres a spider outside my window that has made a thread and is holding on tightly while it blows around... I wonder if his butt is clenched very tightly around it or if he's just holding it with his spider hands.

I've included a picture to illustrate what I'm talking about.

Ways to not be seen as crazy

1) Fill out forms as if you're a pet filling it out for your "mom"
2) start a website about your animal collection, but use no proofreading or clarity of thought whatsoever
3) Use the colors of the rainbow in every circumstance possible
Boutros) Ask LW to create a logo for your animal-based website with as much puncuation and smiley faces as you can possibly type.

Voila! or, as they say in French, Cat's Pajamas!

Poetry

I have been working on my poetry. I think you will realize the advancements I have made.
Decidedly protest, my feelings anew.
Whither my fond or my near?
'Tis the wrong, farewell, the wrong.
My location to steer.

Purchase Order

It used to be that I would sing "Peeeeeeee-Yooooooo" everytime someone would say the word P.O. in my office. Now I just play this. I don't know if people appreciate.

I'm going to brush my teeth.

Think carefully before attempting to dissuade me from my intended course.

Most appropriate post ever

Here is a link to yesterday's post.

Paydirt!

Welcome to the party, Suzanne. Things are really hopping around here lately. So much so that here's even a new post!

I encourage you to peruse past posts. There is a treasure trove of delight. Finding the priceless gems in this mountain of high-worth low-quality can be tricky. I will set you in the right direction with some choice picks. Be certain to read the comments. Only then will you begin to realize. (Previous readers, feel free to reminisce with me.)

Paul tries to decide on a name for his car and Mandi decides we're elitist

Mandi apologizes for being a firebrand by composing lyrics which are eventually incorporated into the blog theme tune

After initially resisting the pressure to create a theme tune, I sell out (Mandi, you still owe me dollars - how can I sell out if you won't pay me to forgo my morals?).

Possibly in response to a poor joke I posted earlier, Paul posts an equally poor joke

We discuss the Incredible Hulk thoroughly.

Paul designs a new logo for the Nebraska corn huskers after I had previously traveled through the state and mocked their current logo.

Low quality blog comes to an end.

Low quality hits rock bottom

Little known truths about the film "Dark Knight"

Very nearly every post on this blog is worthwhile so feel free to start at the beginning and read it through (like a novel because it's that good). Here is an image I have selected to bring that point home:

Your second logo proof is done, Sherri

You tell me if I'm barking up the wrong tree.

Welcome to the Not Bad

Sherri's New Logo

Sherri, I finished your logo. I need help with a tagline...I'm thinking
"Calmly Squatting Over Cats Since 1859"

"Come for the Cats, Stay for the Squash"

Happy Birthday Sherri

I have been waiting for the right moment to unveil a new technology that I have developed. It provides a method for taking your picture using...well, it's all very technical. In short, you can get your picture taken easily using my new web page. Sherri's birthday seems as good an occasion as any for the grand unveiling. Please enjoy.

Eternal Debate

Who do you think would win in a fight, Batman or Monkey-Steals-Peach Karate Instructor? We will assume modern-day DK Batman, not Silver Age Batman nor Michael Keaton, and the Instructor in his peak form in 1976, battling in modern day New York City. They are allowed to use whatever is in their home, dojo, cave, whatever, and cannot ask for assistance from Superman or Bruce Lee.

Let the debate begin.

Did I?

I wonder if I just left a comment on Paul's blog. I guess I'll never know. Well, my gmail inbox indicator says I've got new mail, so bye for now.

Low quality fun

Play my new game! It's fun.

Sandwich - Part 2

Oh great. Now I just dropped lettuce on my keyboard. This is NOT my day!

Sandwich

I just got miracle whip on my lips from eating lunch.

Most feature-rich blog

Please enjoy the new Live web cam offered for your entertainment and benefit.

Happy Birthday Paul

It's your birthday today, yes it is! (Yes it is!)
It's your birthday today, yes it is! (Yes it is!)
It's your birthday today,
It's your birthday today,
It's your birthday today, yes it is! (Yes it is!)

25% Bonus Blog. FREE!

The Cure

Buy my patented Whipped Nasal Excretions today! It alleviates AIDS in 3 days! It cures cancer competently! Whipped Nasal Excretions is your voucher for virility! Loss of appetite become LOTS of appetite! Chronic fatigue? More like phonic intrigue! You'll run faster, jump higher, poop smoother and sing louder! Buy Whipped Nasal Excretions NOW!

Mandi's Birthday

4 minutes ago it was Mandi's birthday. I missed the deadline, but I guess I'll give her the fruit of my labors anyway. Sorry its late.

Dark Knight - Could have been better

I watched The Dark Knight last night. Here is a list of things the filmmakers could have done to improve the experience:
1) Make it better.
2) Add some intense.
3) Change one thing.

New feature on Low Quality: Flashbacks!

It's a new (and I mean "NEW!") low for Low Quality: Recirculation of previous, under-appreciated posts from the past. Enjoy this post (but mostly enjoy the awesome commentary) which probably would feel at home being originally posted on Low Quality, but lost its chance due to being created before Low Quality existed.

How to say Rakanishu

This is the proper pronunciation of my cat's name.

Work hard

Representative

I fixed a bug in a 3rd party control that has been bugging me mercilessly.

Low Quality Newsboy

Someday I will take the time to make him high quality.

New comments

If you are using a Macintosh and you are using Firefox and you are having difficulty commenting on a blog which uses embedded comments then you are in luck because you are reading the answer to your problems: Enable 3rd party cookies.

Here's how:
Select "Preferences".
Select the "Privacy" icon.
Under "Cookies", check "Accept third party cookies"

I think that's how it works anyway. I'm using Firefox on a PC and only have 3rd party experience through trying to walk Mandi through the process. Good job, Mandi, figuring out how to follow my instructions and thereby fixing your comment dearth.

You know what's neat?

When you like a band and cultivate a harvest of their songs and congratulate yourself for having discovered them, then E-surance makes a bizarre commercial featuring one of their songs. This then catapults them to instant popularity and top-40 status, which naturally makes them intolerable to your ears.

Bye, Cloud Cult. Thanks a lot, E-surance buttcraps.

Websites that make noise

I do not like websites that make unsolicited noise. It is annoying. If your blog plays a song when I go to it, I will stop going to it. Most of you know this already because I've said it before.

Following is the proper way to include sounds on your site. Who can name this song?

My guess is that only Paul and Sasha have heard it before. The winner gets a pinchful of nose hairs. This is my promise to you. My love for my audience is unlimited.